


Comfort of Strangers

by trucefully



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Drinking, Hallucinations, M/M, Neglect, Schizophrenia, Wakes & Funerals, dyle - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 23:29:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12568612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trucefully/pseuds/trucefully
Summary: Dan was hardly aware of anyone calling his name. He let go of Este's hand and pushed through Woody and Will, racing towards the back of the cemetery. The grass was wet, and his stupid dress shoes slipped so much he kept having to catch himself just before he hit the ground. His beating heart and the sound of his ragged, terrified breathing were the only things he could hear. Dan dodged around headstones and plastic flowers, not quite sure if this maze of graves had an end. He just wanted to be wherever was safe from his enraged uncle, who seemed out for blood even today. Funeral be damned, Dan was in danger.TW list: mental illness, hallucinations, self harm, abuse (from family), neglect, mention of death of parents, funerals, vomit.





	Comfort of Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i am not british, so please forgive me if any of the terminology is off! i have tried my best. :') i also am doing this without an editor/beta so i am sorry in advance for typos and such. just ask if a sentence doesn't make sense. also posted to wattpad, same username.

Something had caused this, the way his brain didn't function quite right. It made him see things that weren't really there, and make up sounds in his head. He had been told loads of times that it was trauma, and he succumbed to the worst things his own brain conjured up to use against him. The bright colour that Dan saw on every single person reminded him of the pebbles that were on the bottoms of his grandmother's fish tank. It glowed at night on the minnows drifting in the false environment. He couldn't fathom what the puny creatures thought of his face looming from the darkness and watching them when he should have been sleeping.

Memories and reality often blurred for Dan. They bled through and made false thing after false thing appear throughout his vision and play in his ears. It made walking down the street difficult.

Through Dan's eyes, the world had colour. Sometimes too much. But when he looked at himself, he was black and white. Like he had pulled himself through the TV directly from the Twilight Zone tapes his grandma kept running all night. That was where she said he got his strange mind from. Late nights where he wouldn't sleep, and he would watch each episode as if he hadn't seen it before. Faces and voices from the past. They talked so funny. The narrator, especially. He would hear that ominous, clear voice in his head, telling him what was happening as it did.

_Daniel Campbell Smith, the boy out of his mind. He stumbles through the streets like the homeless people. Everyone stares at him, because he doesn't have any colour. He's blank. Pointless. Useless. Everyone knows, Dan._

"Nobody knows." Dan whispered back harshly. He wasn't supposed to talk back to the narrator, but it was hard to be good in that aspect. The narrator was so constant and mean. And sometimes the only way to get him to shut up was to prove that Dan didn't believe in it. "Nan says it's all in my head."

_Then why are people looking at you?_

Dan glanced around quickly. Yes, they were looking. Their eyes pulsed varying tank-pebble colours, threatening to splatter him with the hues. They seemed to be too close, sucking in all the oxygen with each expanding and contracting of their ribs stealing it almost directly from his mouth.

Panic was not an unfamiliar emotion to Dan. Familiar, inconvenient. It surged over him most times he was around other people. That tongue-numbing and mind-frazzling fear that left Dan shaking and jumpy.

_Why are you even walking in the city? You know you can't handle it. Grandma told you so. Go home, now._

Dan closed his eyes and tried to focus on taking deep breathes. "I need groceries." He reminded himself out loud, earning him a few more colourful stares. But he shook them off, taking comfort in the fact that he was still greyscale in his own eyes. He moved his clumsy feet along the pavement, keeping his eyes cast downward and trying to remember the way to the store. He hadn't been by himself in quite a while. His uncle used to drive him, but he was busy today. And Dan was out of milk, eggs, and bread.

_Grandma used to make bread. Why can't you? You're pathetic, that's why. You can't do anything except stay at home and drain the life out of your family._

Dan chuckled, hugging himself tightly to try and defend himself from any accidental touches. "Can't bake, not allowed. I tried to put grandma's cat in the oven. You were there."

_I was there._

"You told me it was ham."

_I thought it was._

"We both did."

Dan talked to the narrator freely, because it was keeping him distracted from people and colours. People never took too kindly to those who talked with people they couldn't see. They would walk around him, and he could feel thick embarrassment and eyes averting as he went along. They would leave him alone if he acted odd, because that's what normal people were trained to do.

_The store is up there on the right, stupid._

Dan raised his eyes. The store that the narrator had pointed out was not what he wanted. A liquor shop instead of a place where he could get actual food. "No, that's not it." He said, but then started to feel scared again. He actually had no idea where he was. The buildings were short and a bit dismal, not like where grandma lived. The streets were darkening and smelled like fried food. Dan kept close to any wall he could find, making a diagonal cross away from the liquor.

_Why don't you want something to drink? You used to love to. Makes everything feel warm and happy, remember? Takes the edge off._

"Can't drink with my meds." Dan said firmly, weaving around a crowd of people and landing safely on the other side of the street.

_Yeah, but you don't take those anymore, do you?_

He ignored that ominous voice again. But the narrator had said his peace, and it was enough. Dan was misbehaving. He was a fuck up. But he was trying really hard to be functional. For god's sake he was buying his own food! With money that he had earned while working his job cleaning tables at a restaurant. Even when he did bad, he tried to do enough good to outweigh it.

The pills made everything too slow, and too numb. When he saw himself in the mirror he was covered in muted colours, and that scared him. He also had a hard time navigating sometimes without the narrator to tell him where to go and when. Dan's mind was far too broken to do that by himself. And worst of all, he was living in suspense on pills. Always wondering when something might leap out at him, or watch reality distort right in front of him. Normal was just too much waiting and worrying. Off of his meds, at least he would know to expect the crazy. If something scary happened when he was in his right mind, he wouldn't know what to do. But if it happened when he was broken, he would know it wasn't real. He would be scared at first, then it would go away. Sometimes he forgot that, but he usually could recall after a while. No big deal. Better off slightly unstable. Even the narrator could agree with that.

Down the street, Dan's eyes latched on to a sign. It was as run down as every other thing around this place. The neon sign blinked weakly with dying bulbs which illuminated a painted sign reading "Market!". The windows were plastered with homemade signs advertising discounted fruit and the price of milk.

 _Don't blow this,_  the narrator whispered as Dan carefully walked up the steps and pushed open the door.

A bell chimed when he entered. Dan flinched, but covered it up by adjusting his jacket. The store was fairly small, and empty of any other shoppers. Three employees were fathered at the front, two guys and a girl. They huddled around the blonde woman's phone, laughing at some noisy video playing. The woman glanced up at Dan passively. "Welcome."

"Hi." He responded softly, but their attention was already lost. Dan shuffled past them, looking at the two rows of packaged foods warily. At the other end of the store, fresh produce beckoned him. Grandma always said that he needed more fresh fruits and vegetables 'cos he ate too many crisps and candy. He liked sweet things best.

Dan inched along the bright bags and shiny wrappings, his eyes locked onto the display of apples and oranges. When he finally made it to the fruits, he paused, no idea what to do nest. He wasn't sure how many he could carry with the other things he needed.

As if directly on cue, a voice came from behind him. "Need a hand basket, mate?" Dan spun around to face one of the men from the front. He had black hair and a name tag that said "Charlie" on it. He gave Dan an apologetic smile. "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to frighten you. Can I help you find something?" He extended the basket to Dan.

Dan's mouth went dry, and he spaced out a bit as he slowly took the offered basket. "Uh... Something healthy, but sweet." He looked at his trembling hand, pulling it close to him to hide the obvious sign he wasn't okay.

_You aren't as clever as you think you are, Dan. You're a downright idiot. They know you're crazy. They know you haven't taken your pulls. You're going to get in trouble._

"Healthy  _and_ sweet? Well... Maybe a pear or something?" Charlie looked at the display. "If we got 'em... Hey, Este! We got pears?"

The blonde girl showing the other two the video peeked her head from around the display. "Pears? We were supposed to get that shipment last night, but the truck..."

Este's voice trailed off into nothing, even though her mouth was still moving. Dan could only hear the boom of Charlie's voice in his ears. He shouted. He had used a loud voice to call to Este. Normal, maybe. But Dan hated shouting. His mind drew back into itself, and a chorus of whispers joined the narrator.

_Look at that. You caused a scene, again. They know. You have to run, Dan! Hide! Get out of there fast! Hit him with the basket and go!_

With that, every single voice began to chant " _go_ " over and over. From all around the room, the chant assaulted him. Shapes and shadows began to crawl towards him, hissing and snapping. His heart became a beating drum, and it was time to go.

He tried to focus, saw Charlie's lips moving and his face full of concern. Dan took in a short breath. "Not supposed to talk to strangers." He said, or at least he hoped he did. He couldn't hear his own voice, either.

Muffled, Charlie's voice cut through his fog. "You sure you're good to leave? You seem pretty out of it. I could call you a cab if you wanna sit and wait."

Cab? No, he couldn't remember his address. Dan only knew how to get there by walking. But he recalled that he wasn't quite sure where he was right now, and that worsened it. God, breathing was getting hard. And he could feel tears start to prick at his eyes.

_Look what you've done. Go now, or it will all be over. Fucking useless cunt._

Dan put his face in his hands and started to cry. He didn't want it to be over. He wanted to live. But he couldn't make it past the well-meaning Charlie or his offers to call a ride. At his feet, the shadows swarmed and bit at his ankles, scraped his skin. This was it. Everything was over.

"Charlie, he's on something. Send him off, before he hurts someone." A different voice spoke. Dan couldn't tell whether this one was inside his head, or actually there. He couldn't bear to look to check. He squirmed in place, the bites starting to really hurt. He was positive he would be bleeding on their floor by now. But they continued to debate what to do with him.

"He's crying, Will. C'mon."

"No. Remember the last time we had pity on a tweaker? Woody got stabbed."

"He hasn't got a knife! Este, back me up- No! Este, don't walk away!"

Este's voice replied, "I'm getting Kyle."

Who was Kyle? Dan took a step forward out of sheer terror, peeking through his fingers. Charlie was watching him, and Este stood a bit away with another man with long hair. They glanced at Dan, alarm on their faces before taking off towards the door in the back.

Charlie put his hand on Dan's tense shoulder. "Hey man, relax. We'll get you home, okay?"

"No, please," Dan whimpered, stumbling from his touch and bumping into a rack of crisps. A few of the bags fell to the ground, sounding like bombs dropping to Dan. He gave a little scream, falling to the ground and curling up. "I'm sorry! I'm good, I'm a good boy. I am, I am, I am-!"

_You're not. You fucked it up._

"What's going on here?"

More unfamiliar voices. More strangers. More breaking the rules. Dan cursed himself for going outside, or trying to do anything other than waste away in his room. This was a mistake.

_You are a mistake._

Through the swarm of whispers of degrading words, a more soothing voice came through. "Shhh. It's okay, buddy. You're safe. Can you open your eyes and look at me?"

Dan shook his head, his lip trembling. "D-Don't wanna."

"Why?"

"I'm afraid of strangers."

"Don't be afraid. We're your friends here. My name is Kyle. I'm not going to hurt you."

Hesitantly, Dan opened his eyes. Two tanned hands were held out towards him, calm and waiting. The fingers and wrists were decorated with jewelry that hypnotized Dan. It was so pretty. He sniffled, slowly pushing himself to sit up. His eyes followed the pretty hands up the arms, finally to the face.

Two kind brown eyes looked back at him. "You're okay. Don't cry." He said gently, nudging Dan's knees with his hands. "C'mon, get up off the floor. Might be dirty down there, Will is shit with a mop."

"Hey!" Will protested. Dan looked at the small group of employees who hovered around the two men on the floor. When Dan looked up at them, they scattered. All except for Charlie, who stayed his distance but kept a watchful eye on them. Dan felt slightly sick seeing everyone run from him like he was something to be feared.

Carefully, Dan put his hands on Kyle's. The rings were warm on his skin, and he liked the feel of the handmade bracelets on his fingertips. Kyle pulled Dan to his feet, then let him go to stand on his own. Dan swayed, but stayed upright. He tugged on the sleeves of his jacket, lowering his eyes and watching Kyle's hands instead of his face.

"Can you tell me your name?" Kyle asked.

Dan bit his lip. "I'm Dan Smith. I'm sorry."

Kyle laughed softly. "Don't be sorry, Dan. Now what can I help you find?"

Dan looked up quickly. Kyle really didn't seem mad. He had the basket that Charlie brought in one hand, looking ready to serve. Dan swallowed, blinking to try and hold back another surge of tears. All the voices were quiet now, waiting for either of them to say something to set them off again.

"He wants some fruit, I know that much." Charlie offered.

Kyle looked at Dan. "Fruit, then?"

"Milk. Eggs, too. Bread." Dan managed to find his voice. "My way home, too."

Kyle grinned. "Well, I know that we have your shopping list all here. Charlie can fetch that. And you and I can work on getting you home while he does."

Dan twisted his fingers together shyly. "No, no. I don't want to bother you so much..."  _They hate you._  "I'll just go. I'm sorry."

Kyle looked sad. He motioned subtly to Charlie to leave, and the other man did reluctantly. When Kyle and Dan were alone standing in the midst of fallen crisp bags, Kyle knelt down and began to pick them up. Dan remained standing for about half a second before dropping down to help him. Dan could feel Kyle smiling at him but he didn't raise his eyes. The two men finished putting back the little baggies, and then were left with nothing to do again.

Around Kyle's feet, Dan watched the little shadows crawl out and try to bite at the stranger who was offering him so much kindness. But they couldn't hurt Kyle. They could only hurt Dan.

"I'm going to take a wild guess that you have a cell phone, Mr. Smith." Kyle said.

_Don't! The music! Al is gonna kill you!_

Trembling, Dan nodded. He ignored the narrator and reached into his jacket pocket to grab the thick flip phone. He came back with the phone, a random knit glove, a carton of smokes, and a little bottle of pulls that clattered to the floor. Dan's heart stopped as Kyle kept the bottle from rolling away with his shoe. He picked it up, turning the label to read it.

His sad eyes met Dan's slowly. "You been taking these, Dan?" Dan shook his head, his eyes burning with tears and shame. "Why not? They help you. You probably wouldn't be so afraid right now if you took them."

Fat tears dripped down Dan's face. He would be afraid, but he couldn't tell Kyle that. This man could easily run to the police or doctors and tell them that Dan wasn't being as good as he promised to be. Then they would take him away from grandma, back to the building where living people limped around like zombies, their faces as blank as the walls that confined them. Living like this was scary, but living like _that_  was hell.

Quickly, Dan traded the bottle for his cell phone. The cell scared him when it was on, and usually got him into more trouble than it was worth. "I'm good." He said quickly, his hands quaking and making the bottle rattle. "I promise I am. I'll take them. Please don't lock me up."

"Hey, slow down. I never said anything about that. You okay if I put my hand on you, Dan?" Kyle asked gently. Dan glanced at the hand he extended warily. But he saw the rings and pretty things, and that made him feel safe in a strange way. So he latched onto Kyle's arm, hiding his face against his shoulder. Kyle didn't flinch away like a normal person would. He was calm, and even when he was half out of his mind, Dan could recognize that it was abnormal. Nice, but not usual. He was lucky to have landed in this store. The bearded man turned to Dan, wrapping his free arm around Dan's shoulders. "There we are. You're alright Dan. We'll fix all this. You know, Este takes meds too. She makes it real fun. Want her to show you?"

Dan peeked at Kyle warily. "Sure." He said. He wasn't quite sure how taking pulls could be pleasant. He hated them, hated what they did. But if the pretty girl at the front had any ideas, that was fine by him.

Kyle allowed Dan to stay latched onto his arm, taking it nice and slow as he led Dan to the front of the store. There were two check out registers that were occupied by Este and Charlie. The boy gave Dan a big grin, holding up a full shopping basket. "Got your stuff here."

"Oh." Dan pulled Kyle towards Charlie's lane, reaching into his other pocket to retrieve his wallet. "I have money."

Charlie shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

"No, please. I worked hard for this. I can do it." Dan opened the wallet, but he couldn't make sense of the bills and coins. They jumbled around on the pages, making them impossible for Dan to read. He sighed, holding out his wallet to Charlie. "Here, I... I can't figure it out. You can take what I owe."

With a glance for approval at Kyle, Charlie took the wallet. "I'll leave a receipt in the bag. You can count the change when you're in a better way. Yeah?"

Dan was starting to get sleepy, crashing after all the excitement. He nodded to Charlie distantly. "Mhmmm. I trust you."

While Dan and Charlie settled the groceries, Kyle was whispering to Este at the other lane. He nudged Dan with his hip. "Hey. Este has to take her pills. She'll show you how."

Dan turned his tired eyes to Este, who was walking around the counter. Dan could swear swirls of yellow and orange were dancing on her skin, across her smile. She had a bottle of orange soda in one hand and two small pills cupped in the other. "I don't like taking my pills either. And sometimes my brain convinces me I shouldn't. So I make sure to take them with my favorite drink, then it's not so bad."

He watched in slight awe as the girl placed each pill on her tongue, then chased them down with splashes of the bright orange soda. She didn't flinch. She didn't cry. She just beamed at Dan after and held out the bottle to him.

Dan took it carefully, staring at the bubbles in the plastic. Este slipped his own bottle of pills from his other hand. "How many, Dan?"

He tried to think. "Uh... Two I guess."

"Sounds about right. Open up, we'll get this done quickly." Este shook out the required amount, then waiting on Dan.

With a bit of hesitancy, he opened his lips to receive the pills. She placed the little white tab onto his tongue, and it burned. He nearly cried out, but he remembered his Nan hated it when he fussed about his meds. So he took the pain with a small whimper, then quickly took a drink from the bottle. The sticky liquid soothed over his tongue with a cold coating, the burn dying away to only a faint tingle.

Kyle's arm slid around Dan's shoulders. "There you go! One down, one to go. You ready?"

Pride. For the first time in a very long time, Dan was proud of himself. He beamed at Kyle, then to Este. "Yeah! I can do it."

"You sure can." Este laughed. She placed the last pill on Dan's mouth, and the two watched him take another quick drink to help it wash down. When he finished, the two of them clapped and cheered for him. Dan flinched, but then started laughing. They all came in for a hug, and Dan's whole chest burned. But it felt nice, now. Sent warmth through his whole body and he felt happiness. Genuine happiness.

Kyle patted Dan's back. "All that's left now is to find out where you came from. Who should I call?" Kyle held up the phone for Dan to see.

Dan winced away from it, covering his ears. The lighthearted feeling faded a bit, and Dan frowned. "Sorry, I just... I don't like that thing. It makes music. I don't like music. Uncle Al's number is in there. He has a car. He can get me if he's not too mad."

Kyle turned on the phone, and Dan squeezed his eyes shut. The narrator came back now, but he was starting to fade. Dan sat down on the ground to try and calm himself down once again.

_Al will be really mad, and he's gonna take you to the hospital. You have to throw up the pills so I can keep telling you things. I can warn you. I know what to do, Dan. You'll die without me._

"Hey Dan? You okay?" Charlie's voice came muffled from Dan covering his ears. He opened his eyes slowly, looking up at where the voice had come from. Charlie stood over him, a paper sack in his hands. He knelt down, setting the bag in Dan's lap. "Here, all your stuff is inside. Kyle's been trying to talk to you."

"Sorry." Dan whispered. The voices in his head were fading away to a hum in the background. The fluorescent lights were the only bright things in the store now, and everything was generally still. Kyle and Este were watching him patiently. Kyle had Dan's mobile against his ear.

"Your uncle is on the way." Kyle said, giving Dan a kind smile. "We're closing up, but you're more than welcome to stay here until your ride comes. In the meantime, we can become friends instead of strangers."

Dan got to meet everyone that worked in the story. It was a tiny place, and the four employees were more like an awkward family under the watchful care of their boss, Kyle. Charlie and Este worked check out and stocking, Will was produce, and Woody was the butcher. Kyle was the owner, cam every day and worked where he was needed so that things didn't get left undone. Owning such a small place in a rundown area, Kyle said, meant that things were usually pretty slow. But the prices were just so that the locals preferred to shop here over anywhere else.

Once everyone had left, Kyle locked up and the two of them sat out on the front steps. Dan's uncle couldn't come until after his construction job, but he promised to be there before long. It had been about a half hour since the call, and Dan's meds kicked in. The colours of the world were so dull now that they could have been black and white, and Dan wouldn't have noticed much of a difference. He studied his pale hands that were flushed with a muted shade of red in the cold. There were no voices now, just the sound of cars rolling past. No more shadows that bit at his ankles, all he felt was the warmth of Kyle sitting beside him, their sides touching in the chill of the growing night. Kyle watched the traffic light change colours, and Dan watched the ground. They hadn't spoken since they came outside.

Dan got nervous with nothing to do with his hands, so he dug out his carton of cigarettes and placed one between his lips. Kyle glanced at him as he flicked the lighter on. "Those will kill you." Kyle said. Dan locked eyes with him, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke out towards the street. Kyle shook his head, plucking the little stick from Dan's fingers and taking a long drag himself. "Fine, then. We die together."

"You're a stranger. You shouldn't be caring this much about me." Dan retorted, snatching the cigarette back.

Kyle grinned at him. "Just because I'm a stranger doesn't mean I can't be a friend."

Dan shook his head now. "You're odd. How did you even know I wasn't some druggie?"

His new friend of sorts grew quiet. Dan looked over, surprised when he found a deep sadness on Kyle's face. The look of someone who went through loss and knew pain. Dan saw the same kind of sadness on his own face when his mind was clear enough to recognize it. Very carefully, he slid his hand over Kyle's. He wasn't quite as good at calming down someone as Kyle was, but he would try now that his mind was a lot more subdued.

Kyle interlocked his fingers with Dan's, looking at him with a little smile. "My mom had Alzheimer's for years before she died. I know what it looks like when someone his having mental problems. I guess some drug use can look similar, but not the same. Can't quite describe it. But when I saw you crying, saying you could be good I took some educated guesses. Drug users rarely break down in the midst of a high wanting to get better. At least in my experience."

Dan puffed thoughtfully on his cigarette. He hardly remembered anything he did off meds. What he did know usually came from what people told him. Even after only being on them for about an hour, it was all fading like he had just woken up from a dream.

After a while, Dan put out his half-finished cigarette and turned to face Kyle. "I don't think I've ever been treated this kindly since my issues started. I owe you guys so much more than a thank you."

"Repay us by taking your pills as you should." Kyle said firmly, placing both his hands over Dan's. "You can have a normal life. You just have to reach out and grab it."

"I will. My meds... I just don't like how they make me feel. I don't like being off them much more, either." Dan admitted.

"Talk to your doctor then, get med adjustment." Kyle prompted, squeezing his hands.

In theory, it all sounded so simple. But Dan was afraid to bring up the idea to his only remaining family. They were so upset with him already at all the doctors’ visits he had to make, or the episodes he had. He was a huge burden on them, and he wasn't eager to make it worse. No with Al's temper. But to ease Kyle's mind, he nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

Kyle pulled Dan into a hug, rubbing his back. "You'll be okay. And you're always welcome around here, okay? Even if you just need a place to hide out for a little bit. We've got your back."

Dan hid his face against Kyle's neck. For the first time, it felt like he had a home. He was already trying to work out the next time he could sneak over here. The thought of going back to his grandma's house where he would be confined and isolated almost made him cry. But he had to go back, had to brave through his days until he could visit again.

Before anymore soothing words could be exchanged, a pair of headlights flashed and then pulled into the parking lot. Dan reluctantly let go of Kyle, looking at the familiar car. No one got out to exclaim how relieved they were to find him. Or even to help him into the car. Dan knew his uncle would be upset with him. That made getting in the car scary. Dan looked at Kyle, hoping the other man would have anything to say that could prevent him leaving with Uncle Al.

But Kyle was oblivious to Dan's fear. He stood up, helping Dan to his feet with a cheerful smile. "Oh good, he made it. Ready to go?"

"Uh-huh." Dan lied.

Kyle walked him to the car, putting his hand on the passenger side handle and pausing. He pulled Dan in for one last hug, whispering to him, "Come around someday soon. Okay? I'll save a bottle of orange soda for you."

Tears rushed to Dan's eyes. "Of course. I'll make sure not to mess everything up next time." He clutched the brown paper bag, the last little reminder of this place until he returned again.

Kyle opened the door. "Nothing is messed up. You were a pleasure to have around." Both men glanced inside at the driver. His eyes were like Dan's, but much colder. He stared without any show of emotion or happiness towards Dan. He definitely seemed upset to any person who didn't know him, but Dan knew that he was livid. He could practically feel the anger suffocating him. He got inside quickly to shield his new friend from the feeling. He didn't need him worrying further.

Before the door closed, Dan told Kyle, "I'll see you soon."

Kyle barely had time to shut the door before Al pulled the car back and sped off down the dark road. Shaking again, Dan buckled his seat belt and shrank back in his seat. He waited.

Al didn't hit Dan until they were a good distance away from the market. "The fuck were you thinking?" He shouted while Dan cradled his aching jaw. "Is this some kind of game to you? Worrying the shit out of your dying Nan? She's going to have a heart attack and die, and it will be all your fault!"

"I'm sorry." Dan pulled his knees up to his chest, staring down at the brown bag on the floor of the car until it blurred with his vision and tears. "I'll be good. I promise."

"Stop with that childish bullshit! I never bought that whole crazy act you put on to get sympathy, and you know it. You're just fucking retarded, and no one wants to tell you." Al went on, swerving on the road when he turned to yell. Dan shut his eyes tightly, burying his face against his knees. Al hated when Dan tried to hide from his fury, so he grabbed Dan's arm and shook him harshly until Dan looked up again. "You're 25 years old, man the fuck up! Face the problems you make and apologize!"

Dan was sobbing too hard to force out more than a stuttered, "I'm sor-sor-sor-"

"Shut up!" Al seethed. "I can't believe I'm fucking stuck with you. Over grown goddamn child. I bet your parents didn't drive off that road on accident. They just couldn't handle you, huh? Would do anything to get away. I'm about at that point myself, y'know."

The car drifted into oncoming traffic. Dan couldn't breathe or look away. This was scary beyond what he saw off meds. This was real. So many thoughts ran through his head that it was almost as if the voices came back. He could hear his mum singing to him before she left, his dad's bear tickling his cheek as he kissed Dan goodnight. And then police. The distance relatives he didn't know. So many questions and no answers. Then everything broke in his head.

Al pulled the car back into the proper lane at the very last second. Dan shivered, then crumpled completely against his door. He put his face in his hands, crying and whimpering apologies. Al listened for a while, then blasted the same stupid AC/DC cd that never left his car. Dan knew covering his ears would only upset him further, so he willed himself to stop crying and just focus on the road ahead of them. Loud guitars and drums rattled the speakers, and hurt Dan's ears. But he didn't complain. He sat and wished that he hadn't taken his meds so that it would all feel like a dream again.  
  


\---  
  


Screaming made Dan wake up at about 3 AM. He clutched his blanket, covered in sweat and panting. It took his half-working brain a few moments to realize the scream had come from the dream he had been in, and that he had soiled the sheets. Again.

Being 25 and still prone to things little children had issues with still made Dan feel overwhelming amounts of shame. But it was something his doctor said would get under control the longer he stayed on his meds. He was thankful Al had gone back to his own place so he wouldn't get shouted at for this as well.

Dan changed out of his piss-soaked sweat pants and balled them up with his sheets. He wore the robe that used to belong to his dad, then walked through the dark house to the washroom. Nan could generally sleep through anything, so he started to wash immediately, then trudged to the bathroom to clean up.

A quick shower left his mind a little more awake. Dan wished he had someone to talk to, but all the voices were silent. It was just him and his thoughts until he felt tired again. He wasn't looking forward to falling asleep on the couch and waking up to his Nan blaring early morning TV drama reruns.

He walked to the kitchen with simply nothing else to do. His eyes were caught on the brown paper bag on the counter, the contents of which he had forgotten to put away. He had been so focused on getting to his room to block out Al from punching him.

The contents of the bag seemed to be unharmed. Dan carefully withdrew the loaf of bread, then the milk carton, and finally the eggs. When his hand went in the last time to dig out his wallet and receipt, he was surprised when his fingers touched something round and smooth. He pulled it out, squinting in the dark.

In his pale palm, an orange rested. It almost seemed to glow in his hand, and he could already smell the peel. A smile formed on his lips, and he didn't feel the need to fight it. After a terrible night, Dan had a piece of that shop where genuine strangers became genuine friends.

Dan grabbed his wallet and the little receipt paper, then walked quietly over to the sink and sat down in front of it. The light from the moon fell through the little window above the sink to perfectly illuminate his hands. Dan picked up the receipt and set the orange in his lap.

The thin paper was completely blank of any numbers or totals. The only thing on it was messy handwriting that said, "Hope you feel better! :)" Dan checked his wallet, and none of the money had been touched. Once again, he was overwhelmed with fondness for the workers at the market place, and how they were looking out for him.

Dan peeled the orange, admiring the brilliant flashes of colour in the dim moonlight. The juice dripped down his scarred forearms, but he didn't care to clean it, even if he got sticky. He wanted to smell like oranges for the rest of his life.

As he ate the orange, he thought about each person. Kyle was definitely his favorite, with his kind touches and excessive jewelry. Charlie was caring and happy down to his very core, and it was like a breath of fresh air. Este was beautiful, collected, and soft. Dan wondered what on earth she would have to take medication for. She seemed perfect.

Woody was wary of Dan, understandably from what he had heard briefly. But that didn't make him unkind. He was actually the first to offer to stay with Dan after closing. And Will kept the mood steadily upbeat with jokes and funny stories about various customers. All fairly different people, but all unified in the cause of getting Dan back home.

Home. The word seemed to have little meaning to Dan now. This was technically his home, but it no longer seemed that way. He had never felt colder towards it. He thought all that his Nan and Al did for him constituted as kindness, but he didn't know what that word truly mean until those five people gave it to him without expecting anything in return expect that he would try to get better.

He decided home wasn't this hollow house anymore. It wasn't his grandma who stopped caring a long time ago. It wasn't his uncle who took custody of Dan, only to dump him with Nan. It wasn't with the doctors who wouldn't listen more than to tell him to keep at his meds that didn't work fully. It wasn't the scars and bruises littering his skin.

Dan picked a piece of the orange peel from the floor, placing it on his forearm to cover a pink scar that he inflicted when he felt like no one should care about him. The orange rind covered his painful past and made him smile. He knew were home was now. Home was the smell of oranges, and the comfort of strangers.  
  


\---  
  


Nan was a lady of very few words. She mostly couldn't chatter because she had to rely on an air tank to keep her alive. But even that aside, she uttered the bare minimum. So waking up to her voice instead of the TV gave Dan a good fright.

"Daniel. What are you doing down there?"

Dan pushed himself up quickly, looking up to his grandma. He must have fallen asleep on the floor of the kitchen, again. He had a hard time sleeping in his own room anymore. For the past couple of weeks he had been making sure to buy as many oranges as possible, and when he felt alone, he would slip into the dark room and eat an orange to bring a smile to his face. It had become so frequent that his Nan thought it might be the side effect of one of his medications. That thought amused Dan, having his side effects being waking up in the kitchen surrounded by orange peels as opposed to feeling like a blank slate.

"I'm fine, Nan." Dan said, collecting his orange peels from the ground. He walked them to the bin, taking a few moments to actually be able to drop them in. He loved the vibrancy of them. He loved the smell. It felt like he was being forced to let go of pieces of his happiness. "I have work today."

Nan hovered by him, and around what she wanted to say. Dan looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Something the matter?"

She watched him for a long time, and Dan pretended not to be too interested by getting out cereal and milk to eat quickly before disappearing into his room to get ready. While he poured his milk, his Nan spoke again. "Are you on your meds?"

"Yes." He replied simply."

"Were you last night when you came in here?"

Dan winced. "No. I almost forgot to take them, but I did. I'm okay now."

She sighed. "You need-"

"I know what I need." Dan snapped, and it surprised the both of them. The harsh words burned Dan's throat like acid. He sounded too much like Al when he was angry. "Sorry. It's just been a rough time lately. But I'm working on it, okay? So don't worry."

"I don't worry. I wonder." His Nan said coolly, then hobbled away to sit in the living room and start her daily routine of shit television and not moving for twelve or so hours.

Dan finished his breakfast in silence, then went to his room to get dressed for the day. Even the little dispute with his grandma couldn't dampen his mood forever, not when he planned on going back to the market today after so long of not being allowed. Whenever Al took him shopping, he made it a point to assure that Dan knew he wasn't allowed back there. But Al couldn't stop him if he wasn't there.

He dressed in light coloured jeans and a white shirt to mirror his good mood, then rushed to the bathroom to check how he looked. The person he saw in the mirror staring back at him didn't look suited to be wearing bright clothes. His pale arms painfully contrasted the scars and recent bruises. The purple splotches even blossomed on his unshaven face, along his jaw and under his eye. He may feel happy, but he still looked like a complete wreck. With his courage wavering, he went quickly back to his bedroom and pulled a black jumper on over his body to hide some of the damage. He couldn't mask what Al had given him, but he could make excused. One of the bonuses of being certifiably crazy was that people never questioned too much, because the answers made them uncomfortable.

It was still pretty early to be leaving for work, but Dan just rationed it was all the more time he could spend at the little market. He made sure he had everything he needed, then went to go to the front door. To do that, he needed to pass in front of his grandma. He kept his mouth shut and his eyes to himself.

As he passed, his Nan leaned forward in her chair. "Why are you leaving so early?" When Dan didn't respond, she leaned back again. "You better not be going back to that shop. Those people don't know or like you, Dan. Don't take advantage of their good will and annoy them."

Dan's cheeks flushed with heat. He felt stupid now for even considering it. Of course, they were just being nice out of pity. Dan hadn't known a touch that kind so he blew it out of proportion in his own head, as he often did. Even if that was the truth, he still wanted to go for some reason. Maybe just to apologize, or to show them that he wasn't the same childish and unstable wreck he met them as. Maybe even two weeks later was too soon. Maybe they were still strangers. It didn't seem to matter much in his heart, they were already his favorite people.

"I'm going to the graveyard to see dad and mum." Dan lied, his hand resting on the doorknob. "I'll be there until work starts. I'll take a cab home straight after so you don't have to wonder."

"Alright. Be a good boy, Dan." Nan said, and that was it. Dan didn't promise that so he wouldn't have to lie to her twice.

The sky outside was grey, but there were cracks between the clouds where little rays of yellow sunlight fought through. Dan's converse splashed through puddles and carried him down the chilly pavement with a certain lightness to his step. It took him about 20 minutes to walk to work on any given day, and the market was just a bit off his path. He took his time on his walk, breathing in the crisp air and waving through normal people without problems now. They were all made up of the same bleak colours as he was now, and he didn't feel crushed just by their presence.

He felt the outline of his pills in his pocket to reassure himself that they were there. If things got too bad, he could take his pills and make it go away. But with his face still aching and the fear of being rejected by the market people, Dan wasn't too sure he wanted to be in reality yet.

When he actually did arrive at the store, his fears melted away almost instantly. He stood on the other side of the tiny parking lot, smiling at the broken neon sign and sale adverts in the window. The front door was propped open, and Este was standing out front stacking pumpkins on the steps. She noticed Dan stopped, and a grin spread across her face. "Dan! You're alive!"

Dan's heart nearly burst. "Yeah!" He laughed, crossing the parking lot to meet Este on the steps. She abandoned her gourds and grabbed him into a big hug. Dan held on to her tightly, unable to suppress his grin. When they released each other, Dan pulled on his sleeves shyly. "I was a little scared none of you would want to see me, but I had to at least try to say-"

"What do you mean? We've been worried sick!" Este held his pale hand in hers. She was so small and delicate that Dan was afraid of breaking her somehow. "No one got your number or anything, so we've just been waiting for you to show up. Hey, have you taken your meds today? 'Cos I haven't, and I really want some pop."

They passed through the store towards the refrigerated section. Charlie was at one of the registers assisting an elderly woman, but he waved at Dan as he was lead past cheerfully. Dan waved back, then turned to look at Este. "I haven't taken my pills yet. I wanted to..."

He stopped when Este did abruptly. She studied him, waiting for his excuse. Her intensity nearly made him forget the response he used so often that he had it memorized. "...I wanted to see how I do this morning. I took them late last night."

Slowly, she nodded. "Regardless of that, you should try to keep on a schedule with them. So you should take one now, just to be sure. Get you back into routine." As she spoke, her eyes wandered noticeably to the marks on his face she failed to see earlier. "What's that?"

Dan arched his shoulders. "Dunno. Woke up with them. I do things I can't remember sometimes."

Este looked skeptical. "You did that?"

He rolled up one of his sleeves, careful to make sure that only she saw. She winced when her eyes landed on the thick, raised lines. "Like I said, can't remember all that I do. But it's not beyond possibility. Especially when my med cycle is off."

The pretty girl rolled down Dan's sleeve, smoothing her hand sadly down the fabric. "Okay, I understand. I guess there's nothing left to do but make sure it doesn't happen again. Yeah?"

"Yeah." Dan agreed warmly, linking their gingers together again. "That sounds nice. So, orange pop for breakfast then?"

Este giggled. "Certainly."

She let the bruises go easily enough, but her eyes would flick back to them periodically. She said nothing more on them. The pair raided the shelves of soda, each of them taking a can of orange pop and running to the back.

On the way, Will was coming out of the employee entrance they were trying to barge through. He had a box of tomatoes in his arms, nearly dropping them when he tried to dodge out of their path. "Careful, now." He scolded, but his voice was so soft it didn't even begin to make Dan panic. "Oh, Dan. Are you letting Este corrupt you with her evil, soda-stealing ways?"

"Don't listen to him, I keep track and pay my dues with each paycheck." Este defended. She reached up and ruffled Will's hair, then nudged his shoulder to keep him moving. "If Kyle asks where we are, tell him we stole the office."

Will frowned. "Employees only. He might not like that."

That made Dan slightly nervous, but Este just laughed. "Not if he knows who I'm with."

Dan brightened it a bit. It was more than fine if Kyle had a soft spot for him, he really liked the guy. He seemed to get him in a different way. Este understood having a sickness and taking meds, but Kyle understood what someone was like when their mind wasn't exactly theirs.

The office was plain off-white with the same linoleum on the floor that was in the rest of the store. There were two chairs and a desk filled with papers and notes. Dan looked at the framed photos on the walls of kids playing in a garden. "Does Kyle have children?" Dan asked as Este opened their drinks.

"No. Those are pictures of him as a kid with his family. This office used to be his dad's. He left it, and now we kinda use it as a break room." She beckoned for Dan to sit down, and he eased himself into a chair. She passed him a can and they both pulled out their pills.

"Can I ask what those are for?" Dan brought up just before the pills actually went into their mouths. Anything to delay actually taking them.

She winked at him. "Bipolar. Yours?"

"Schizophrenia." Dan mumbled.

They dumped the small tablets into their mouths, then washed them down with the orange fizz. Dan exhaled slowly after, holding the can to his chest and staring distantly at the table. "Thanks for making me feel a little less weird, Este."

Este shrugged, tipping her head back as she took another long drink. "You're not weird. Most people take medication of some sort."

"Not usually for the reasons I do." Dan said, twisting his fingers around the rim of the can idly.

"Maybe not. But we all have to survive, Dan. That's the single thing that is required of humans."

Dan thought about this as they each enjoyed their drinks. So far he had been alright at surviving. He certainly wasn't the best, but he managed to keep his own heart beating. That had to count for something. He felt a little bit of pride for himself, which was a brand new feeling that he really liked.

Outside of the room, a door opened and closed. Dan twisted in his chair to see who came in. His eyes met two brown ones, and his heart soared in his chest. "Kyle!" He jumped out of the chair, nearly spilling pop everywhere. He set it on the table, then hurried into the smiling man’s open arms. He turned his face into the curve of Kyle's neck, and his beard tickled his cheek just like his father's used to with goodnight kisses. Kyle laughed softly, holding him tight in his arms. "Well look who made it back. You feeling better today?"

"Much." Dan confirmed, not wanting to let go of the embrace so quick. Kyle allowed him to stay like that, patiently soothing a hand up and down his back while they stood in the doorway. When Dan finally did release him, Kyle didn't let him step back too far. He had one arm hooked around Dan's waist, and his other hand gently touched the bruise under his eye. Instinctively, Dan opened his mouth to place the blame all on himself, but the look on Kyle's face quieted him. He couldn't lie to him when he looked at Dan so tenderly.

"Are you okay?" Kyle asked.

"Yes." Dan whispered. That wasn't a lie. Right now, he was perfectly fine.

Kyle nodded, but like Este, he didn't look entirely convinced. He brushed his thumb across the bruise one last time as though he could simply wipe the mark away. But it would stay for a while, changing colours like autumn leaves until it disappeared into his normal skin once more. But when Al was in the mood for using him as a punching bag, it usually took him a while to stop again. So the bruises he had likely wouldn't get the chance to heal before they were layered on with more. He hoped his new friends wouldn't mind being seen with someone covered in such ugly things.

Este finished her soda, dropping it in the bin as she passed. "I'm sure I'm needed out there. Say goodbye before you head out Dan. 'Kay?"

"Yes ma'am." He promised.

She left, and Kyle let go of Dan and walked around the desk. He began to sort through papers. "So, what are your big plans for today?"

Dan sat on the edge of the desk and watched him stack up each pile neatly. It looked like busy work, just something to keep the other man's hands occupied while he figured out how to say the words he needed to. He got nervous too, and that made Dan smile. "I was thinking of taking flowers to the graveyard, and then I have work. Not really excited for that."

"Riveting." Kyle winked at him. "And after?"

Dan paused. "Go home, I guess." Kyle's eyes went obviously to the bruises on his face. Dan looked away quickly. "My Nan and I live together. She's pretty sickly, so I have to go home and check on her. Make her dinner and such."

"That man who picked you up... Does he live with you too?"

"My uncle." Dan kept his eyes down. Kyle was piecing it all together. "No, he doesn't live with us. He had custody of me after my parents died, but I'm over 18 now so we're not really associated in that way. He sent me to live with Nan so I could care for her until she dies."

Kyle walked back around the desk, standing in front of Dan and folding his arms. "No offence Dan, but that doesn't sound like a good idea. Who's taking care of you?"

Dan didn't respond. Who was taking care of him? Doctors when he saw them, he supposed. His uncle paid for Nan's house to have electric and water, so that wasn't nothing. He also drove Dan around if he asked with enough notice. That counted for care.

He knew that Kyle meant beyond just simple tasks. Who held his hand through fits of panic? Who reminded him to get up and shower every day? Who gave him a schedule for meds? Who reassured him where reality was and made sure he was tethered to it? He didn't have anyone like that. It was only him against his own malicious mind most days. He had no one to relieve the burden except the narrator, but he couldn't speak to him on meds. The more he thought, the lonelier he felt. He stared blankly at Kyle's chest, memorizing the patterns of the thread on his apron rather than admit this.

Kyle sighed, resting his chin on top of Dan's head. "I worry about you."

"There's no reason to worry." Dan reached out carefully, touching the seam of the apron. "You shouldn't have to. You've only known me a short while."

"You don't need to know someone a long time to want them to be safe." Kyle said.

"We're strangers."

"We're friends."

"You don't want to be my friend. Trust me."

"Have you tried asking me what I want?"

"No, I don't care."

Kyle gave Dan a mock look of hurt, and Dan giggled hid his face in the apron. "You don't care to be my friend, and yet you're clinging to me." Kyle said, poking Dan's side. He squirmed and whined in response, but let go of him. The room felt colder, but he didn't want to push boundaries. Kyle chuckled. "Never said I minded. Just making an observation."

"I get attached too fast. And I really like to be touched. Probably something to do with having a lack of affection in my childhood. Maybe my parents never held me when I would cry as a baby. Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe-"

Kyle grabbed Dan's shoulders, pulling him into another tight hug. "I don't mind it." He restated. "There's nothing wrong with liking to be hugged. It's nice. And you're in luck, 'cos I like to hug. Especially my  _friends_."  
  


\---  
  


A month was all it took for Dan to form a habit. Thirty days of getting up early to make it to the market before noon and hang around there until he had to leave for his shift. He had learned a lot just by being there for a few hours each day, like how to stock and keep inventory with Kyle, or slice meats with Woody, or even how to arrange little bouquets with Will. He liked the excuse to work, and the excuse to not be at home. For once, he was genuinely enjoying himself. He hadn't missed a single day of taking his meds, and he felt like a completely different person because of it.

On a night that Dan could now happily consider normal, he was bouncing around the store and helping everyone close up. Well, he would call it helping. The others might call it distracting.

Dan was standing in front of Will as he mopped the tile floor, taking a step back every time the dingy white ropes came near his shoes. Will was steadily speeding up, making Dan hop from foot to foot to avoid it. "Too fast!" Dan laughed, bumping into Charlie and nearly sending the both of them to the ground.

Charlie steadied Dan, then stepped on Will's mop. "Stop abusing your power."

"Tell Dan to stop abusing  _me_. He's been chasing me around all afternoon because Kyle is out." Will tried to sound accusing, but they all knew no one really minded Dan playing around with them. They always told him how he brought a certain life back to the store. He gave them something to look forward to, and in return they unknowingly sheltered him from his scary life at home.

And Will was right to tease Dan with Kyle. The two of them had become nearly inseparable over the last month. Kyle cared for Dan in a way no one ever had before, not even his good friends around him now. He felt completely safe when the other man was around, almost like he had been normal his whole life. He could nearly forget the fact that he even needs pills to keep himself steady. He was unsure what it was that made it stand apart from the love and support the others gave him, but whatever it was, he adored it.

"I'm sorry I get lonely." Dan pouted, fiddling with the bracelet Kyle had made for him; blue and orange thread that gave a splash of colour to his dull world when they were apart. "He's coming back tonight though, right?"

"For the millionth time, yes." Charlie laughed, ruffling Dan's wild hair. "He should be back any minute now."

Dan glanced at the front door as though he might just walk in then. "I know. I'm sorry. I just..."

Will patted his back. "Yeah, we know. Hey, go up front and help Este with the till. As soon as Mr. Simmons pulls in we'll warn you, and you can embrace romantically in the parking lot. Sound good?"

"Sounds good." Dan grinned.

He bolted to the front of the store, stopping at one of the two registers where Este was counting the money. She smiled at him, tapping his nose. "Hello clementine. About ready to go home?"

"Mm, no." Dan hummed, leaning over the counter and watching her carefully sort the money.

Este flashed him a smile. "Waiting for something?" Dan nodded, and Este's eyes focused behind him. "Would it happen to be a tall dorky man with a ridiculous beard?"

Dan's eyebrows pulled together. "I like his beard."

"Thank you." Kyle's voice directly behind Dan made him nearly fall over. He yelped, whirling around and coming face to face with him. Kyle covered his mouth, trying and then promptly failing to stifle his laughter.

"You asshole!" Dan said, but just as soon as the words left his mouth, he was in Kyle's arms. He forgot to be angry instantly. He was still a bit cold from the outside air, and Dan was determined to give all the body heat he possibly could to warm him. "You took so long." Dan said softly, snuggling into his favorite position, with his face resting in the curve of Kyle's neck.

Kyle squeezed him. "Meetings. You wouldn't think they would be required for someone who sells other people's products for a living, but they are. You can come with me next month, okay?"

"Really?" Dan looked up at him, excitement sparking in his blue eyes. It wasn't the meeting, he could care less about that. He just liked the idea of being with Kyle anywhere.

"Sure, old people bickering about the taxes on produce is just captivating, I'll tell you what." Kyle grinned, and Dan refrained from just pressing their faces together. He wasn't sure what he wanted exactly. He had no experience with whatever the feelings Kyle gave him were. He just knew he wanted to be close, to just stop talking and caress his face or something.

The rest of the employees now gathered in the front for Kyle to dismiss them, so Dan let him go and headed to the back of the group. As he passed by Will, he nudged him with his elbow. "Thanks for the heads up, jerk. He nearly scared me to death."

Will snickered, nudging him back. "He threatened to fire me if I didn't let him spook you. Hush up, I'm about to miss my favorite pep talk."

Dan hovered behind the line of people, watching his favorite person leading his rag tag group of employees in a closing speech of sorts he was infamous for. Kyle clapped his hands together. "Right! It's late, so let's keep it short and sweet. You all did a great job today. Thank you for not burning my store down while I was gone. Does everyone have a safe way to get home then?"

"Yes sir." The chorus of tired voices responded.

Kyle smiled. "Good. Off you go then. Be safe, see you tomorrow."

Everyone said their goodbyes, then streamed off into the night to return home. Dan lingered, hoping to distract Kyle long enough to put off his own return to Nan's house.

When only Kyle and Dan remained, they stood side by side at the glass door and watched the others leave. Woody and Charlie got in his car, and Este left with Will walking.

Kyle's hand rested on the small of his back. "And how are you getting home, love?"

"I'm not. I'm making a bed out of crisps and sleeping here." Dan said sarcastically. "I'm walking home, just like every other night."

"But it's so cold out there." Kyle pulled Dan against his side.

Dan closed his eyes. With the winter approaching, the weather did get colder. But on his way home from the market he never felt the nip of the cold weather. He would walk with warmth in his chest up until he would walk through the front door. That's when he felt cold again. He reached an arm across Kyle and held on to him around his waist. "I do this every night now, Kyle."

"Never usually this late." Kyle looked up at the dark sky.

Dan looked at him. He was watching the sky, and it wasn't with wonder. It was with worry. It seemed like Kyle did a lot of worrying about him, especially lately. Even though they spent a lot of time together it was the times that they were apart that made Kyle increasingly more nervous. Dan wished that he wouldn't feel anything negative.

Gently, Dan reached up and turned Kyle's face to his. They looked into each other's eyes, an odd sort of silence falling between them. Dan touched Kyle's beard. He really did like it. And he liked it when Kyle's mouth got closer to his. He liked it even more when Kyle kissed him. He didn't really know what was expected of him, but he tried to mimic Kyle's mouth. It was hard to focus, though, because his mouth was so warm and made Dan's heart flutter out of control. His head tingled like every single nerve was shocked with electricity. Time was slow and fast at the same time, and before he knew it, the kiss was over.

Kyle looked more concerned than ever. He was so close now, his forehead resting against Dan's. "I'm sorry, I... Maybe that was inappropriate." Kyle whispered.

Dan shook his head, but he was still shocked into silence from the kiss. He cupped Kyle's face in his hands, finding his voice from wherever it left to. "You spend a lot of time worrying about me. Can we just both pretend like I've got my life handled? Because I'd like to kiss you again. If that's okay."

Kyle opened his mouth, then laughed softly and shook his head. "You're right, I trust you."

Trust wasn't something Dan was used to being given. Then again, he had also never been kissed before. Kyle was bringing a lot of firsts into his life. Suddenly Dan found himself realizing how far he had come. A month ago he would have never thought he would get half this far. People like him weren't designed to make it. They weren't meant to find happiness. He didn't know how he of all people managed to become the exception to those rules, but he felt untouchable now.

Dan kissed Kyle one more time. "Thank you. And thanks for kissing me. I'm still walking home, though."

Kyle sighed, glancing out the window. Dan laid his head on Kyle's shoulder, following his gaze into the night. After a while of silence, Kyle spoke again. "Or..."

Dan arched an eyebrow. "Or?"

"Two options that I'm willing to accept, Mr. Smith. The first is that we walk down the street to my flat and grab my car, then I take you home. And the second would be that you spend the night at my place. No funny business, you can have my bed and I'll take the couch. The only thing I will not agree with is you walking home alone when it's freezing and nearing midnight." Kyle rubbed his arm. "Your choice."

Dan thought for a while, unsure of what the right choice would be. He should probably go home like he always did so that Nan wouldn't worry. But she asked him less and less where he stayed out to, because she had an idea. He was becoming more stable. He was starting to live a life he didn't know that he even had. Surely at his age he could make a last second decision to spend the night. "Do you have movies?" He asked.

Dan saw Kyle smiling in the reflection of the glass doors. "Yes, I have quite a few."

"It's decided then. Movie night." Dan stepped back, holding onto Kyle's hand tightly. "Nothing scary, though. My life is already like a damn horror film." Kyle laughed, and Dan joined in. The two of them were the last to leave into the night, the both of them bursting with nervous excitement.

Tonight, Dan didn't have to wonder how he would make it through hours of not being in the presence of those he had come to love. He wouldn't have to face the night and darkness of his mind alone. Kyle would be there for every second of it, even if they were rooms away. He would be there, and everything would be fine. There wouldn't have to be a lapse in his happiness, it would continue unwavering. And Dan knew that he would have a hard time going back after this, after he felt life coursing through his veins and love beating in his heart.   
  


\---  
  


Waking up pressed against the chest of a man threw Dan completely off. He nearly made a violent push to get himself away when he realized that he was alright. He and Kyle were squished together on Kyle's sofa, the both of them barely staying on comfortably. They hadn't meant to fall asleep together, but Dan was glad that they did. He wouldn't have been able to sleep alone at all.

Dan shifted carefully to move up a bit. He kissed Kyle's soft cheek as he slept, then cuddled up under his chin with a sleepy smile. He was so warm, and listening to Kyle breathe deeply was lulling him directly back to sleep. Everything was quiet and peaceful.

Until it wasn't.

As softly as a ghost, the narrator’s voice came to him.

_Wakey, wakey... The clock is ticking, Dan._

Dan tensed. He hadn't heard that voice in a long time. He took his meds last night, but not this morning, and it was rather late. He fumbled around until he found Kyle's limp hand, holding on to it tightly. The contact made Kyle start to wake up. Dan hated to do that, but he wasn't sure he could face this on his own.

"You alright?" Kyle mumbled, only barely awake but already sensing Dan's discomfort.

"Yes, but I won't be soon. I have to go get my meds from home." Dan said. He sat up, straddling Kyle's legs as he stretched his arms. Dan smiled when his brown eyes finally opened and looked up at him like he was the very morning sun in the sky.

Kyle pushed himself up and hugged Dan's neck, smoothing back his dark hair and kissing his forehead. "Is it bad right now?"

Dan shook his head slowly. "No, not terrible. I'm alright. Just starting to... To hear things." Kyle's eyebrows pulled together with more concern. Dan sighed and smoothed out his features with his thumbs, making the both of them smile. "Stop that. I'm taking care of myself, aren't I? Knowing that I need to get the pills."

"You are. You're doing amazing." Kyle agreed. He nudged Dan's legs, and the two of them stood up from the sofa. Dan's whole body was stiff, but he felt surprisingly well-rested. He didn't let Kyle walk off too far before grabbing his hand and following along. Kyle didn't mind, grabbing his keys and wallet from the table by the couch. "We'll get you home and get some pills in you. Then after I am demanding that we go directly to get waffles. How about it?"

Dan's cheeks warmed up. "Like a date?"

Kyle shrugged. "I mean... What would you think?"

Dan laced his fingers with Kyle's, laying his head on the other man's shoulder. "I think so."  
  


\---  
  


Everything was fine.

And then it wasn't.

It wasn't even started by the voices. That bit was nearly forgotten.

Nan's house was blocked off by two police cars and Al's car. By the time they pulled over, the ambulance had gone, taking Nan in its belly. Dan was left sitting on the front porch, covering his ears and closing his eyes. He didn't take his meds, if he tried he knew he would throw up everywhere. He rocked himself, trying to hum any song that would come to his mind. But the only thing he could hear on a tormenting loop was the same AC/DC album.

Kyle stayed. He didn't even talk about leaving Dan once. He talked with Al, and that kept him from running at Dan with fists flying. Maybe Kyle knew that. They talked about where Dan had been all day yesterday, because that's when Nan died. Al had to come home and find her lifeless body where she always was, sitting in her chair in front of the TV.

And Dan wasn't there. He was supposed to be there, but he got caught up with a boy. Al didn't know that part, Kyle left it out. He said that all the employees were hanging out at his place that night, when it was just Dan and Kyle cuddling on the couch. He missed that now, he missed feeling safe.

Footsteps next to Dan made him flinch against the railing. This couldn't be happening. Nan was okay, she had been for so long. Why wouldn't she be now? She couldn't be dead. She couldn't.

"Dan." Kyle's voice was gentle. It made the music ebb away. Dan slowly uncovered his ears, but he kept his eyes shut. Kyle sat beside him, not quite touching him, but close. "Your uncle is saying that you should start to get your stuff together. I guess he wants you to move in with him."

The idea almost made Dan physically sick all over the steps. The music came back, and he started to shake. "I ca-can't," Dan stammered, reaching out for Kyle. "I can't do this. I can't, Kyle."

He pulled Dan close, wrapping him in two strong arms and protecting him from the outside world. "Alright. Then we go inside and get you some clothes and your toothbrush, and you stay at my flat. There are options, love. All we have to do is make sure you're comfortable."

Dan sniffled, wiping his eyes on his hoodie sleeve. "You don't have to take care of me, Kyle."

"And why not?" Kyle pulled from Dan suddenly, holding his shoulders firmly. Dan blinked, unsure of what exactly he meant. Kyle smiled a little bit, caressing Dan's jaw. "Why shouldn't I take care of you? No one else has. That's just not fair. You deserve to be treated well, and comforted, and loved. Even if it's just while you're getting through this, may I do that for you?"

Dan wanted to believe that Kyle would just do it because they were friends, or even just the kindness of one stranger to another. Maybe it was pity. But he just couldn't make it work in his head. "I don't see why you would want to. It's not going to be as easy as telling me it will be alright. And sometimes you won't be able to help me. It's going to be hard... Why would you even want to try?"

Kyle sighed. "Isn't it obvious? This is why."

Their lips clashed together in the bitter cold. The kiss slowed down Dan's racing mind ever so slightly. Just enough to help him relax. But as soon as his mind calmed, he found crystal clarity of the situation. Nan was dead, gone. He could easily be blamed for it. No, he should be blamed. And despite that all, Kyle loved him. And Dan loved Kyle. He loved him in ways that he had never loved anyone before. At the same time his heart was breaking, little stitches of healing were being sewn into the cracks.

When Kyle's mouth eased away, Dan looked at him with tearful eyes. He didn't know how to tell him what it meant that he was doing all this for him. But Kyle didn't need to hear words, he already seemed to know. He reached into the pocket of his coat and retrieved a small bottle of pills. Dan couldn't help but laugh a little bit when he recognized them. Kyle grinned and popped off the lid. "This is where the care starts. You really need your pills. Unfortunately, there was no orange soda in the fridge. Can you make do without?"

"I can do it." Dan said firmly. He took the pills from Kyle's hand and swallowed them dry, determined not to let his progress fail now. He would be a wreck over the next few weeks. Probably beyond that, as well. He wanted to make this as easy on Kyle as he possibly could.

Kyle leaned forward and kissed Dan's forehead once the pills were gone. "Well done. You're going to be just fine, Dan. You'll make it through this."

Dan closed his eyes, grabbing on to the front of Kyle's coat. He really hoped he was right.  
  


\---  
  


The funeral was the worst part. Dan had to wear a suit, and he hated it. They reminded him of his parents being buried, and the collar chocked him. He didn't like it even though Este said he looked cute, and called him her clementine. It made him smile, but it didn't ease the ache in his heart. And even though Kyle got Dan a tie that matched his own, he couldn't stop crying. Charlie helped Dan deflect distant relatives all through the viewing and burial, but he was still on edge. Will and Woody stood behind Dan at all times for support, but he still felt unsafe. He should feel okay, but he didn't. He felt like he was made of paper and standing out in the rain. Sagging, ripping, crumpling, and dissolving.

Dan stood at the front of the open ground, staring at the hospital green casket that his Nan would be in forever. He couldn't even remember the last thing that he said to her. He refused to see her head. During the viewing, he and Kyle sat in silence in the lobby. Kyle let him take off his rings and inspect each one to distract himself from the fact that the place smelled like roses and formaldehyde. Dan had no idea what the chemical actually smelled like, but he was almost positive that the sickly scent that wafted through the hallways had to be it.

He didn't see her, and it was too late. He also couldn't remember their last interaction clearly. She was all he had known since his parents died, and he didn't even tell her body goodbye. He didn't tell her that he loved her, or appreciated all she did. A week ago he wouldn't have thought anything of letting those words go unspoken. But now he was drowning in remorse.

At the head of the plot, Al stood as Nan's only remaining child He was surrounded by Dan's great aunts and uncles. They all out-lived Nan, the oldest of five. They each brought their respective families, and it filled the small space with warm, sobbing bodies.

Dan stood squished between Este and Kyle. He had his cheek resting on Kyle's padded shoulder, and his fingers laced with Este's slender ones. He was trying very hard not to break down again. Al hated crying. It was so hard to be good right now. But he had to do this one last thing for Nan, if nothing else.

Slowly, Dan raised his eyes to look at Al. The older man was all dressed up like Dan was, but he looked like a wreck. He hadn't been showering or shaving the past few days. He just rolled out of bed to drink and cry in Nan's room. Dan was so afraid to be near him like this. His uncle seemed like a bomb, doomed to go off and hurt Dan once more. He was never around Al alone, and that seemed to increase the anger.

As if he could sense his stare, Al locked eyes with Dan. The red splotches on his face darkened, and Dan suddenly knew that Al would kill him, if he could. While everyone else tried to assure Dan that this wasn't on him, his uncle would do no such thing. He would make Dan pay. Dan killed Nan. He did it.

_You did it. You did it. This is what happens when you don't fucking listen. Al's gonna kill you._

He knew he was shaking. Este squeezed his fingers, Kyle kissed the top of his head, and Woody placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He was probably crying, too. But he didn't really know. All he could see was his uncle glaring at him from across the gaping hole in the ground. He could strike at any second. And he was just standing there, waiting to be killed in front of his friends and the man he loved.

The casket was being lowered into the ground by a weird machine. When the whirring noise started, it shocked something in Dan's brain. That primal fight or flight kicked in, and he went with flight.

Dan was hardly aware of anyone calling his name. He let go of Este's hand and pushed through Woody and Will, racing towards the back of the cemetery. The grass was wet, and his stupid dress shoes slipped so much he kept having to catch himself just before he hit the ground. His beating heart and the sound of his ragged, terrified breathing were the only things he could hear. Dan dodged around headstones and plastic flowers, not quite sure if this maze of graves had an end. He just wanted to be wherever was safe from his enraged uncle, who seemed out for blood even today. Funeral be damned, Dan was in danger.

The cemetery did have an end. Beyond some crumbled headstones was a short expanse of manicured grass, and then a feeble barbed wire fence. Dan knew he couldn't stop where he was, so he grabbed the wire without a second thought and heaved himself over. The sleeves of his suit blazer and pants caught on the sharp wire, ripping holes in his skin and clothes. The tie Kyle got him snagged especially badly, and he had to stop to try and tug it free. His palms were dripping with red liquid, and they stained the fabric as he ripped it out, leaving chunks waving like tiny flags on the fence. He didn't stop to mourn it. He just ran like all hell. The voices he thought he had quieted came back, and they started to chant.

_You're gonna die._

Dan didn't waste time in seeing where Al was. He hadn't seen him flinch when he tore away from the group of strangers, but he was sure that his uncle would come for him in no time. He was strong and driven by grief. People like that were capable of anything. So he kept running. Now he was sprinting across an open field full of dying yellow grass and gravel. His feet crunched across tiny rocks and kicked down tangles of weeds.

_Al is gonna get you for this. Look at the scene you caused. Bad enough you killed Nan, but now you've got to ruin her funeral too?_

His lungs burned, but he couldn't stop.

_Kyle's gonna leave. He can't deal with you. He'll be gone when Al drags you back._

Dan closed his eyes. He couldn't even bear to think about the disappointment on Kyle's face.

_Your friends are going to become strangers again._

Thump.

The running stopped. Dan was properly dazed for a moment, but he slowly came to the realization that he was on the ground. His foot had caught on something, and his face was now stinging and throbbing where it made impact with the sharp bits of rock. He eased himself up onto his elbows, staring at the dirt inches from his face. He could hear someone approaching, and his name being shouted over and over. Desperation. Anger, maybe? Malice?

_You're gonna die. It's all over. They're gonna open up that coffin and dump you inside to save some time. Your flesh is gonna rot with Nan's, and the worms will eat your rotten brain-_

Dan vomited what little he had eaten for the day into the gravel. He had only taken the bare minimum to make sure that his pills settled well, but now it was all wasted. Even on the day of Nan's funeral, Dan couldn't be a good boy.

_You've failed everyone._

"Sweetheart, shhh." Dan was guided gently away from the vomit, and he opened his eyes just enough to see colourful bracelets showing under the sleeves of a boring black suit. He grabbed onto Kyle's wrist with a shaky hand, his body going weak and limp in his arms. Kyle gathered him like a child into his arms and kissed his forehead. "Don't be afraid. There's nothing to be scared of, okay?"

"Don't let him get me, please. I don't wanna get hurt. I messed up, but I just..." Dan whimpered, hiding his face in the smooth fabric of his jacket. Kyle always smelled like some kind of spice, but Dan couldn't ever place it exactly. He wanted to drown himself in the scent and just forget about the bodies planted in the ground, and the strangers waiting to swallow him whole. If anyone could protect him, it was Kyle. He just hoped to god that he would.

Kyle was quiet for longer than Dan was comfortable with. He was starting to fear that maybe he wouldn't be able to protect him or something. He leaned back a bit to look at the other man's face and try to see what the problem was. He didn't expect to find tears rolling down Kyle's cheeks.

Kyle blinked, a few more droplets of water joining the tracks on his skin. "Does your uncle hurt you, Dan?" He asked softly.

Dan had gotten this question before. Many doctors and well-meaning teachers would ask him growing up because of the bruises and cuts that would be left on him. Yes, Al hurt Dan. But whenever someone asked Dan about it, he always froze up. He couldn't seem to form the words to confirm it. And anytime that he tried, the only sentences he could bring forth were ones to lie about it. He didn't want to lie to Kyle, but he wanted him to stop crying.

"I'm sorry." Dan said. He wasn't lying.

Kyle shook his head. "Don't apologize, love. Just tell me. I want to know so I can help you."

_Don't trust him. He's going to give you back to Al anyway. You're a grown man who can't make his own choices, Dan. Al's gotta do it for you._

His whole body was trembling, and Dan tried to say yes. He really did. He trusted Kyle. So why was it so damn hard to say? Dan opened his mouth once more, but it was pointless. He couldn't be good for anyone, not even himself. He was constantly fucking up and wrapping everyone he loved into his problems. He didn't feel worth the time or effort at all, and he wished that for Kyle's sake he would just dump Dan in the dirt there to rot away into his own grave.

But Kyle wouldn't let go, and Dan was selfishly thankful for that. The man with the pretty jewelry and kind eyes kissed his tear-stained cheeks, soft cries coming from his lips. The lips that kissed him at the grocery store, and a few times after. The ones that could bring forth calming words and make him feel like his fucked up mind had a place in this world. He felt useful and wanted, and that hadn't happened for a very long time.

"I'm so sorry, Dan. I'm sorry I didn't ask anything sooner. I'm sorry I let him do this to you. God, all the marks... And I didn't question it like I should have. It won't happen again. I'll make sure of it." Kyle went on, his voice tense with grief. He held Dan so tightly that it almost hurt, while Dan lay limp and confused in his arms. How on earth could this be Kyle's fault? He didn't know, Dan didn't tell him. What could he have done?

A weird realization crept on Dan then. Nan was in the ground, and that wasn't his fault. He couldn't have predicted that she would have a heart attack while watching TV. And even if he could have, there would be very little he could do at that point to save her. Even if he had skipped out on making memories with his friends and with Kyle, it probably wouldn't have stopped Nan leaving him.

Al was the only thing driving these terrible thoughts into Dan's mind. He was worse than the voices, because he was real and could hurt him. The only thing that ever made Dan take blame for things he was in no control of was fear.

And he was sick of it.

Dan pushed Kyle back. His lover looked at him with a bit of hurt on his expression, but Dan smiled at him. "It's not your fault. It's not mine, either. Life just sucks sometimes, y'know?"

Kyle blinked, his face now shifting to confusion. "Yeah... I guess."

"Yeah." He said, then stood up. He held a hand out to Kyle, lifting the other man to his feet. He wiped away his tears, then laughed a little. "I would kiss you, but I just threw up."

A smile finally returned to Kyle's face, and he laughed. "Thanks for being so considerate."

They linked their fingers together, and Dan sighed. "Well, I'm about to get kicked out of my grandma's funeral."

Kyle looked at him sharply. "How do you suppose?"

Dan straightened out his shredded tie, his eyes locked in on the green grass with a gaping black hole that he had just run from. The people looked so small from here, harmless. The whole thing seemed to have stopped with his little breakdown, and now the barely-visible faces looked towards him and Kyle. Dan squeezed Kyle's fingers. "I wanna stand up for myself. Just one chance at revenge." He glanced at Kyle. "Would you still love me if I have to be escorted out of the cemetery by the police?"

Grinning, Kyle kissed his cheek. "I'll be right by your side."  
  


\---  
  
  
They didn't get taken away by the police. Dan went through with what he intended to do. Al was pissed, and rightly so. But Dan wouldn't take his abuse a second longer. In the parking lot, his uncle came for him with his mouth open and ready to scream. But with all his friends standing behind him, Dan landed one good punch directly into Al's nose. It stung his knuckles, but it also felt extremely liberating. Dan wasn't violent by any means, and he knew when enough was enough. Al's nose bled, and he stayed his distance from Dan. His nephew didn't need to say anything at all. They stared each other down, and the message was clear--Al wouldn't touch him ever again.

And as if nothing happened, Dan went home. Not to Nan's now-empty house where the memories of her would haunt like a ghost. No, to Kyle's little flat down the street from the shop. They got the very few things that Dan needed from his room, and then he finally went home. He got to unpack his things into a drawer Kyle cleared for him, set his things in the bathroom, and put his medicines in the cabinet. He changed into pajamas and brushed his teeth in the bathroom. Then, he cried a lot on the couch in Kyle's arms. He cried because Nan was gone, but not because he thought he was the cause of it. He cried for his parents that left when he was so young. He cried because of Al. He cried because he was just plain sad. Lastly, he cried because he was so overwhelmingly happy.

By the time his tears had subsided once more to show at a later time, all the employees from the shop had come to Kyle's flat. They had drinks, snacks, and lots of condolences for the one Dan lost. And he was so grateful.

"You did rather well today." Charlie told Dan as he poured out some whiskey into a plastic cup. "If I were you, I would have dug a second grave and buried that fucker inside."

Dan took the drink gratefully and downed it quickly, earning a shocked look from Kyle. Dan smiled and arched his shoulders. "Wouldn't have done any good. Much more rewarding to just make him live alone with what he's done. I got my anger out with one punch. If I beat him to death, I wouldn't be any better than him. Can I get another drink please?"

Kyle shook his head in disbelief. "One more drink, Dan. Then I think that should be enough."

Across the room, Este turned music on Kyle's stereo. Something with a good rhythm that encompassed the sound of letting go. She grinned at the room, holding up her beer. "Hey, we're not dead yet, so we don't gotta act like it. How about we celebrate life rather than mourning it?"

Most the eyes in the room fell on Dan uncertainly. Maybe he should rethink dancing on the day his grandma was put in the ground, but he was done holding himself back, and denying himself happiness. He raced across the room, grabbing Este's hands and pulling her into the center of the room. There was a spark in the beautiful blonde's eyes, and she laced her fingers with Dan's. Neither of them knew how to dance worth shit, but they bounced and shimmied across the floor like they had an idea. It didn't matter how awkward they looked, it was fun to bounce around. Dan was laughing harder than he ever thought he could after a funeral.

Steadily, the others joined in. Charlie grabbed Will and spun him around in circles while Kyle tried to coax Woody away from a bottle of wine and into the chaos that was unfolding in his living room. All six of them let loose and went wild to the music, dancing about like there wasn't a single care in their minds.

Something had caused this, the way his brain wasn't functioning quite right. It made laugh even thought he had just lost a family member, and dance while tears still threatened to storm out of his eyes. He used succumbed to the worst things his own brain conjured up to use against him. But now that he had faced his worst fears, what could his brain do? Dan had control now. Although, something more intense had control over Dan's heart.

He spun, landing into his favorite pair of arms. The ones adorned with bracelets and rings that flashed bright and beautiful colours. He turned, looping his arms around Kyle's neck and grabbing onto the back of the shirt. They kissed, and Dan's dancing feet slowed.

He knew what caused his brain to break a bit right now. It was love, and the people laughing around him, and being free. It was the subtle smell of oranges. It was the comfort of strangers.

**Author's Note:**

> songs i listened to a lot while writing this for inspiration! nobody asked for this but its here anyway :')
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. X Amount of Words - Blue October
> 
> 2\. Sleepsong - Bastille
> 
> 3\. Dictator - Dan Smith
> 
> 4\. A Time to Be So Small - Interpol
> 
> 5\. Hold No Guns - Death Cab for Cutie
> 
> 6\. Fix You - Coldplay
> 
> 7\. Good Grief - Bastille
> 
> 8\. Chapel - Nicole Dollanganger
> 
> 9\. Lisztomania - Phoenix (the song Este plays at the end)
> 
> 10\. Comfort of Strangers - Bastille


End file.
